this is the morning of December 24th, the day of the eve of Christmas, the day set aside to celebrate the comming of Christ into this world in human flesh.

i really don't feel like writing this post anymore.. i wanted to about 9 hours ago, but don't now... i need to post this however. if i am to note minor and major goings on of my life, then surely these past 4 days and especially last night need to be noted in greater depth than I probably will type out.

i am glad that i have rid myself of videogames. attatched to the idle/idolness of spending an entire 12+ hours pouring myself into a binary coded collection artist's concepts and programmer's ideas, is a crack in my defenses. One (of many) weak points to allow sinful thoughts and desires to roam freely, come into the light, and blossom into death. During my time online with my last videogame, I met a great number of people, and thought them to be actual friends. I was glad to be rid of the game, but sad to be rid of the people as well, so I promised to return for a short time only to celebrate Christmas with them. I made my return, and was immediatly welcomed happily. However, I was soon sucked back into the long process of playing endlessly to earn experience points to make my character stronger to be able to enjoy more features in the game. As the christmas event with christmas themed items and scenes was started in this videogame world, along with it, the programmers unlocked many highly awaited features as sort of a christmas present to those who have played the game. This really showed me a lot about those whom I consider friends... and showed me a lot about how I've treated other people when I have been the one so wrapped up in my own enjoyment of the game that I neglect everyone around me. Along with the newly unlocked features, there were also newly created errors that has caused for much down time for the game's servers, so it was not possible for me to play it for several hours at random while they worked to correct the problem. Sure there are a multitude of productive activities I could have done while the game was unavailable to me -- but no... i made myself idle and let my sinful nature have its way...

on Thursday, i helped someone move. actually -- that statement is incorrect. thursday morning, at about 9am i was going to sleep. a few hours later, i got up, and felt horrible, and weak, wrecked, and ashamed. i asked God if he could use me for his glory even in the horrible condition i was in. he could, and he did.

i am a wretched horrible sinner...
as of yet, i do not know if i understand the magnitude of last night. so i will just explain it as much 'as is' without any elaborate explainations around it.

i signed on to AIM so i could play videogames and wait for my best friend to come online, if she were comming online -- i assumed she was, but i was completely passive about the encounter. she came online, and i greeted her. she greeted me in return. there was a bit of silence as i played my game and we didn't keep up much idle talk for a few minutes. she asked why i've simply vanished for the past 2 weeks. i made no real effort to contact her. i responded, and my response hurt her deeply -- again... we had a long talk together which in summary was our last conversation. (i will finish this at a later time...)