Eh, this is a bit of a detour post. I had planned to continue my previous post in an effort to complete it, but I don't really feel like it right now, nor do I think I have the time. But I feel like talking and no one's available for me to nag right now, so you get to hear my rantings that I kinda want to put here anyway to preserve for a later date, probably when I will want to prove a statement I'll make.

I like her. I fully admit that to myself, if to no one else at this point. It is entirely a gift that I can see the potential in a person, yet in this particular instance it puts me in a strange position. I don't believe that I can explain or express myself fully unless I fully express both of my views because there is a direct contrast leaving me seemingly neutral when I'm really not.

I think I'll start with the fun side first, and let that run rampant and hopefully burn out some of its energy so that the opposite side can follow up and keep things stored away for safe keeping.
As I write this, I recall that this may sound very similar to previous posts I've made about another girl, but whatever >P i can blog about the transition later.. arg, i'm doing so much posting around and about posting that I've not said any of what's on my heart :-\

I like her style. I like the way about her. I find her beautiful and alluring. I can tell there's more just beyond the surface, or at least will be. From spending time with her, talking with her, getting an e-mail from her, and sometimes even just thinking about her, i get this whole extra level of energy, it's crazy. I don't know how much she contributed to it, but one night I could not sleep at all, I went to bed at like 1 because i knew i should and had to get up early the next day, but at like 2:30 i got out of bed because i was still wide awake, and thinking a lot about her. I didn't get to sleep til like 3:30, and i had to get up at 6 to go to work at 7. I way overslept my alarm and didn't get up til 7:15 and got to work at 8. But, that whole day of work, I was like on fire. I was lifting 50 lbs bags of potatoes and onions, tossing them around like they were nothing, and wasn't even tired in the least, the full 8 hours of my work day.


But (there's the big 'but') there's a problem with me, and a problem with her that makes anything now impossible. The problem with me is that my life isn't in a position to where I could date anyone. I'm chugging away nicely at work currently, but not in position yet, and I'm starting up my businesses soon, but they're not running yet. So i don't have free time to spend with her, and I don't have money to do things with her. [*she's not materialistic in a sense that i would need to buy her stuff or take her out to nice places in order for her to like me, but I absolutely refuse to not be able to do nice stuff for her, or go out with her, especially when i know what I'm capable of.* (...off topic rant...)] It won't be for another few years that I'd be in position to get into a relationship.
the problem with her is that she's not ready either. there is so much going on with her that i see now, and so much potential for what is to come later. If I were to interject now, I believe that I would taint her development and hinder her growth and eventually spoil our relationship to the point of destroying it and me. like, i can compare it to fruit. If you pick a fruit too early, then it will never fully mature and it will never be as sweet as it potentially could have been if it weren't picked so soon. Or, if you're dealing with a melon, if you have it before it's just ripe, it really doesn't taste that good at all, the flavor is there, but it's bland and nasty, yet if you have it too late after it's ripe, then you lose most of the bulk of it because it's gone rotten and bad and must be thrown away. There's just that sliver of a time, right at its peek, just as it fully ripens, just before it begins to go bad that it's the richest that it will possibly be.