Title: Rant

how to put into words the intangible inaudible feelings, passions, hurts, struggles, battles of my heart and soul? my mind races to fathom the levels depths causes effects affects and such of where what why and how of everything. tangent 1) WHAT THE CRAP ARE GUYS OUT THERE DOING?!?!?! How/why do so many crappy lazy inconsiderate crude guys get so many beautiful precious lovely women just to leech from them and leave them hurt broken and mistrusting of all guys entirely??? WHY/HOW do girls KEEP FALLING for jerks? Like come on! ARG >.< so many beautiful precious delicate broken hearts mistrusting distrusting, settling, accepting, approving of such atrocities as the norm. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGG! my heart hurts... perfection is the pursuit, nothing less is the goal, NEVER SURRENDER!!! what do i do, where do i go, how do i get, where do i find, how do i pursue? :-( my heart grows weary in pursuit...

:Do you know how neuclear power plants work, basically?

: there's a highly powerful radioactive liquid that generates all the power, but in the mix, there are basically cooling rods that temper the mixture and keep the liquid from exerting too much power, going out of control and being destructive and ultimately burn itself out, or they can be pulled out to release more power when necessary.
: i often feel like a neuclear power plant without the cooling rods. at times i need someone to help me calm down a bit so I don't burn myself out or be destructive with my zeal, and other times i need someone to help me to get hype get started and do stuff.
: a tremendous amount of my energy i spend on just controlling my energy

it all generally settles out, levels off, and builds up when there's someone potentially interested in me that i'm potentially interested in. i can't wait til faith becomes sight... not a force in the world will be able to stop the three of us (Me, her & Jesus)