...blah...
im just kinda sitting here... blah... why dont i feel like it? stuff was moving, stuff was getting done, everything was flowing, i woke up and feel just blah... my heart seems to be out of it... blah! im not even saying it all as im thinking it
ok

physically i feel fine, emotionally i'm just kinda like not there right now it seems. not down, not up, not anywhere. and i can't seem to go up or down or anywhere with it. i cant really get it to go down, and i dont really want to either. and i cant really get it to go up, as if its possibly afraid of falling down. this is the void that i find myself in before i fall. if i cant get it to go up, i dont want it to stay idle so i lead it down. im not going to lead it down, i cant. i dont have time for that crap. too much going on, too much to lose, too close to so much, cant waste time down. i think i caught a glimpse of whats to come so my heart is bracing itself for it and hiding from it. been to my physical & emotional limit, then just physical to the end, next i think is to just my emotional end -- might there be a spiritual end i will reach? hmm

sunday i was so full of the holy spirit, it was awesome! the things of this world grow strangely dim in comparison to living in Christ. but it would be selfish of me to not continue and live that love to share love with those around me. its hard to share love with some people that i find it hard to trust. gossip spreads like wildfire, a truthful statement can be understood wrong, or re-expressed wrong, summarised, and condensed, and missunderstood such that people wouldnt understand or believe what was initially said. im so free to speak and share love with my brothers & sisters on Sunday, then i dont have that same freedome because i dont have the same connection through Christ when i am at work.