^_^ YAY!!! it has been a long while since i have seen such a wonderful smile of inexpressable happiness... and it was directed at me...
i thought about it, and made a present for her from my heart. i had a hard time fully loving how it came out because i was aware of all the flaws in it -- all the parts that i had in mind -- all the details that didn't quite come out as i had planned. But I wrapped it up weeks ago and decided to give it to her. I didn't see her the week before Christmas, I knew she was out of town the week of Christmas, and I didn't bring it with me on New Years, but I brought it with me to give to her this past Sunday. She wasn't there at the very very beginning. She was there a little before the beginning of service, and practiced with the worship team. When she wasn't practicing, various people approached her and talked with her. During service, she sat near me ^_^ Not next to, but in the same 'row' which wasn't really a row exactly, but anyway, i wasn't going to slip it to her during service (the sermon rocked by the way :-D ) After service I talked with various people, and she talked with various people, I was afraid to approach her and give it to her in front of other people, or try to catch her inbetween talking with people. I saw her head towards the door to leave, grabbed the present, and slipped behind her. When we got just outside the door, I told her Merry Christmas, and gave it to her. Her hands were full of a tambourine (<3>

something was up with her on Sunday. perhaps she was simply tired -- no... i think i've seen her more alive with little sleep... something was up with her, she didn't sing as strong or clear as she normally does during worship...

so many thoughts, so many tracks, so many undeveloped ideas floating every which way, several of them lost. I was gonna write about something else too... sorta forgot what it all was.

emotions are odd things... i don't know if i know what to do with them.

Oh! Yeah... over the past few weeks i've invited something back in that strongly seeks to keep me idly playing videogames and trap me within my own little world, retreating into my little bubble that i've been clawing away at to break free from. i tried, but i could not call any phone numbers to ask about appartment ads that I saw. i tried really hard... but couldn't... eventually i just 'took a break' and played videogames... which is not what i wanted to do, but did anyway...