what's up... long time friend, years of talking with eachother and knowing eachother.. friendship got stressed and strained yet endured but i still don't know what to make of everything. our friendship kinda got ripped appart, and then things went a bunch of steps back to lightly casual. now she's trying to be there to share intimate details of my life. i appreciate that she wants to be there and do that, but... huh? how much to share, how much to not -- why does she always contact me when I'm distracted. ROAR! i needa get back on point, i needa get out of this lazy mode. i needa get it in gear and go... so much more potential, so much more able, than i'm actually pushing forward in. always my best -- physically, mentally, spiritually -- I'm on point physicially and spiritually but not quite mentally, my mind is being lazy.
there's something slightly scary about talking with my friend.. long time conditioning? emotionally hurt? oh wow... how deep does THAT pain go?? *sigh* i don't sense it growing, but it is something to be looked at and dealt with in depth later.
there it is... there in lies the problem.. i feel like i have to be a certain way that's not myself when i interact with her. where as everyone else that's my close friend, i am relaxed as who I am and how I come across. ...i can't remember many conflicts that we've resolved between the two of us -- usually when little things came up, they grew into big things for silly reasons, and then eventually we just covered over it and moved on. and i have no idea how she feels about the matter, or if it's just me carrying this. lol, she's about the only person in all of existence that i'm guarded and afraid of.. -- more into this later, gotta go to work.