dream: it was a long dream, the pieces now are fragmented as i awake.

underwater // badguys in a boat tried to kidnap two guys. one escaped ... // naruto/trigun? naruto character, late in the series, ninja master, approached some badguy, had a gun in his hand, same with the badguy. some other good guy was way behind naruto, impossibly good accuracy and power with his gun. bad guy was idly watching naruto and the other guy, fully knowing both their capabilities, and having a deep strenght of his own. as naruto got close enough to the badguy for him to hear, naruto said "put down the gun man, put down the gun," the badguy responded "what if i can't ___ ___ ___ (find the trigger?) (let go of the hammer?) (handle the trigger/hammer?)" naruto repeated himself faster, then the badguy, then naruto, then the bad guy, back and forth flash images of each saying his line until the good guy way in the back behind naruto shot at the badguy, making a hole in the wall just behind him, off to the left of his head (his right side). he shot to emphasize naruto's authority. the badguy didn't move at all, knowing that the other guy wasn't aiming to shoot him. after a momentary look at the bullet hole behind him in the wall, the badguy dashed behind some rubble, firing off a shot towards naruto and the other guy. naruto dodged out of the way, firing back, then began pursuing the badguy. the badguy hopped back out from where he ducked behind, fired one shot towards naruto, then his head popped off, disconnected at the neck from the sheer force of the first gunshot from the goodguy in the distance. // one of the goodguys managed to break loose from the ropes that were holding him, and he dove into the water to swim away to safety. while the badguys chased that guy, the other goodguy managed to escape. one of them made it to safety, the other was re-captured and the badguys decided to just runoff with one instead of trying for two and losing both. the one that escaped set off to pursue them and rescue his buddy. he needed/used scuba gear for swimming, but didn't need it to breathe, underwater was very very over crowded and a very small area. on the 'beach' people had to stand up to sun instead of lay down because it was that crowded and that small of an area. although they werent really standing, they were fish, so they just were upright, and like just there, vertical. I (or i and Naruto, or I was Naruto) swam down a line of these 'beach' going fish, and at the end of the line was a guy standing there, they all looked quite silly, so, while laughing, i asked the guy "what are you doing" while laughing back, knowing how silly he looked and feeling silly himself, he responded "sunning myself" it was the guy that was freed and pursuing the guy that got captured again. he had already swam past this part, i don't know why he came back. ::: in hind sight, i think he looked a lot like me. and i think i recall being the one that escaped from the badguys on the boat.


i woke up at like 6am, very afraid. a familiar afraid. so i prayed until it went away. i could sense the demon(s?), that have been pursuing me since childhood, around me. ::: possible dream connections/meanings? had some thoughts on that... can't find them... i don't know :-\

interesting though... i've slipped back into my old addictive sins again since last Thursday when i found this one game that's really hard, really fun, and i can't beat yet. i'm so ashamed and upset that i threw away the entire day... it was going to be such a good day yet i wasted it all on like 20 hours of this useless videogame. people were frightened for my life at work, i was going to go hang out with friends, then i was gonna go shoot some pool and try to meet new people and start trying to be social. haven't really been praying, been really really weak all around, i gotta go food shopping (i can't find my debit card so i gotta go to the bank), i still have stuff, but not all the right stuff, more like survival stuff. *floating off point* interesting though... this time of falling is different than every other time before, even the major one i had at the beginning of this year. it doesn't have a foothold to grip me and tell me "this is how it is, this is how it's gonna be" and before when i wasn't praying, i couldn't feel the presence of the demons around me. like they weren't there and i was protected from them anyway. not that i'm not protected from them now, even as i felt them around me, but it was a reminder of what's going on around me beyond what can be seen.