heart racing, thoughts thumping, several things to post about all at once -- i'll try to keep them in order for ease of reference later on.

Jesus is the love of my life :-D <3 <3 <3 I was under heavy spiritual attack -- I didn't notice it sneaking up growing and building, things seemed calm -- too calm... I got three flat tires on my bike in three days. The first two I got fixed quite easily quite quickly, so they didn't really phase me much, this third one I just haven't fixed yet. Without my bike, I'm relying on public transportation more to get from point A to B. I got to work late yesterday morning (By 6 minutes) and my bosses (dept manager & store manager) got on me about my lateness. They got on me about it because they are REALLY trying to help me move up in position in the store and the raw fact of my lateness will show up negatively when execs look at my records to consider me for promotion. 1 min, 1 hour, 10 hours, late is late. So they were on me in love, not judgment/punishment. night before last, as I went to sleep after the previous post, I've been spending time praying about and remembering just being raw deeply in love with Jesus and in Jesus' love. such a purely beautiful thing... As I was praying, and as I was thinking, I was trying to go for it, trying to pursue it -- but I didn't attain it on my own efforts. But I awoke the next morning, little irksome stuff against me (bus to get me to work on time is at 6:40, I woke up at 6:43, 43 min after my alarm) In response to that I was just singing his praises and thanking him. Throughout the day, the flat tire analogy I used in my previous post, Jesus was there, the missing wheel of my life. (I in no way mean that Jesus is JUST a portion of my exsistance -- don't take this analogy out of context, it doesn't hold water beyond that.)

ok, this one is scary.... i got a message about one of my longest and dearest friends. i caught it a month or two ago, but i admit i'm still learning how to receive messages and what to do with them, so i didn't pay it much attention. I've been praying for her that she comes to know Christ. In her life she's set and cozy even though she's generally unhappy and lonely, so there's not really much of a need for her for Christ because she feels everything is under her control. Then the thought came through, it would take something like her being raped and having a child to wake her up to the harsher aspects of reality to see her need for Jesus. i dismissed this as she's not really in a position to possibly be raped. she spends most of her time at home, in a safe apartment complex, doesn't travel around at night alone, etc etc. -- the thought/realization came to me again out of the blue yesterday that i'm seeing the potential foundation for such an event to happen, forming now. I've been praying for her and about it ever since. I felt as though I needed to write this down so it can be referred to at a later date. my heart cries out on behalf of her for forgiveness, for mercy, for repentance and reconciliation with God; my heart cries out for her for Christ to seek her out, and call her his own and bring her into the flock, under his ever loving nurturing restoring care.
I told her that I'm concerned... and I told her to be careful... but I couldn't explain anything more... [when you read this, you may ask me for more details]

completely unrelated, these three posts should be taken as three separate posts. I don't think I'm eating enough spiritual food on a regular basis. I figured out the source of my fatigue and tiredness physically has been that I burn more calories and such on a full day's work than I take in throughout a regular day. So, I flipped my entire life cycle around and started my day with a massive meal, and my energy level throughout the day increased exponentially. I've been able to identify some of the most major sources that drain my energy spiritually, yet even as I deal with those and stop them from draining me, I still run low. I've got an infinite source to draw from, but there in lies the problem. I don't draw from it and I can't draw from it infinitely in one dip. I need to draw from it infinitely and he will provide for me the portion that I need for the day. Then I must come back for more because what I have gets used up, gets poured out, gets shared, gets spilled, and eventually I become empty -- be it fast or slow, I still become empty until I go to him again and get a free infinite refill. {Reader note: I can reiterate this post with scripture references to back it up and for clarity if you request it}