o.o; my heart stopped. i dont really care. i dont even want to write this, or at least dont really care of i do. am i overdramatizing the matter? am i not? is this my last post? im complacent... i cant spark my heart up nor down... grief echos through a holow chest cavity, void of a heart. oh sure there are lungs and all, but no emotions are attatched to any of my thoughts. nothing is driving me, i don't care and im scared... my heart won't go -- all that i feel is left is hating the world around me, pointing out the flaws around me and neglecting myself. im scared... and yet, my fear is in my mind as a memory of what i would be afraid of, yet my heart does not echo any concern for any matter. emotionally void.. even my love for Christ i feel disspassionate about. no joy -- no sorrow -- nothing to act or react to -- just placidly in the middle. i write and write and still my heart doesn't respond. if i were sad, i could seek being cheered up. if i were happy, i could seek sharing that with my friends. if i were angry i could seek resolution. if i were confused i could seek understanding. i am feeling nothing -- how do i seek feeling something? is my brain leaking like i feel it is? has part of my brain just sopped functioning? WHY IS EVRYTHING THE SAME SO DIFFERENT? what is different about nothing that has changed?
what am i grounded in? what am i rooted in? what am i standing on? my answer is Christ... first, foremost... last, ultimate... even if i can't feel it -- i know it for truth.