o.o;
my thoughts were so clear, but they scatter before i try to write them. two opposite situations. two different girls, one my mind wants to pursue, the other my body wants to pursue. but why the conflict? why is this situation as it is? how did i set myself up to have difficulty here? i thought everything was fine, now my realizations of stuff are getting complicated. my friend's shared comment he found in a magazine article makes so much sense that it sounds true. -- is it? i've already incorporated it into my thoughts as if it were.. there seems to be some element of truth to it. the comment was basically about why men are players, and talking about some of the relational complexities of the give and take aspects. on the one hand, if a girl goes with a guy and basically gives him all the sex he wants without the commitment of marriage, then there's really no more incentive for the man to commit to marriage -- on his end he gets all the pleasures without any of the responsibility. [that much isn't particularly profound, it's quite commonly seen] but the inverse seems to also hold true in essence. If a guy gives a girl his whole heart and emotional connection outside the context of a committed relationship, then there's really no incentive for the girl to commit to anything further in the relationship. i shared this with one of my friends who's a girl and she thought about it for a moment and said that could explain how guys get stuck in 'the friend zone' where a guy can never really get into a relationship with a girl that already views him as a friend.

the method (? method isn't quite the word -- that makes it sound like a planned strategy or something... but anyway) I use for interacting with a girl that i'm interested in is to try to be all there and readily available all the time in a friendship. i keep giving and giving and would readily give more if asked. but then when i'm in need, or if i want to try to move a relationship forward -- the immediacy or importance of the situation gets overlooked or neglected..
but what do i do then? do i compartmentalize my heart? it already is somewhat. Does this even really have anything to do with the situation??
What is it that i'm after -- what is it that i want? i know what point B is -- vaguely, but i have no idea what the path from point A to point B is in a relationship from 'Hi who are you?' to "will you marry me?" what defines a friend? what defines a friendship? what defines a relationship? what defines not? what defines a serious relationship? what should not? all boundries are broken down in marriage, that's about all i really know.
i have some friends that i don't really like, and i have some people that i like but aren't really my friends. do i like and dislike the wrong things? i think not having an understanding of this is hindering me from being able to have an understanding of dating and what a girlfriend would/could/should be/is.