--silence...

??? HELLO? -- Hello? -- ello? -- llo... o...

IMs -- nothing... phone calls -- nothing... messages -- nothing... comments -- nothing... communication cutoff -- what to do...? PANIC AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! lol, j/k... sorta :-\

that is so it right there. fellowship with other believers is a tremendously wonderful gift and tool to be used in our pursuit of God, but the individuals and the busyness of being involved with individuals and interacting with people can become in and of itself an idol. Leading people to love the mission more than the sender, and to seek completion and satisfaction in and from the other people and not rest in the fullness and completion we have received in Christ. When we accept, acknowledge, realize the completion we have from and in Christ, then we can truly love our neighbor and our brother and be an encouragement and help to them instead of being dependent on their love, approval, and need of us. at least... that's where MY heart is -- or was. I feed off of being needed by others. So when none of my friends had problems or secrets to confide in me, or reason to share intimate heart felt conversations with me -- i felt lost unloved neglected and useless. But as I grow in a deeper realization of him, his will, his love, and continually practice and purpose being in his presence, I am finding that I am more effective in the loves of my close friends and people that I barely interact with just as the spirit leads me and gives me words of encouragement or a moment's opportunity to share the struggles and victories going on in my life at the moment.

its times like now that i need to look back and read what i wrote -- remember where my heart was -- compare it to where my heart is -- track where i was to where i am -- find forward and move there.