my heart hurts.
it hurts in an interesting way and is revealing interesting details. i suspect i may have finally found some of the roots of my problem(s?)
people think that i'm perfect. people think that i'm wonderful. people seem to love me wherever i go. i don't do anything -- i don't present anything, or at least nothing harmful. i just present that i'm there, and i try to learn and adapt to whatever environment i happen to be in at the time. people like recieving attention -- and that's all i can give them because i don't know how i'm supposed to act or react to any given situation. such i believe would be dictated by one's culture. one acquires culture from those of their culture who have been around before them, and further develop it with those of their culture who are around them currently. symptoms of the bubble -- i have no culture. conversely, i've been alerted to all the negatives of everyone and everything around me, to where i don't even accept any new culture for myself. i could travel around the world, never experience culture shock, and return exactly the same as i left with a few neat stories to tell -- possibly. i undermine myself all the time. that's why i pay so close attention to myself all the time. i can't stay focused on any one thing because i don't fully have the resources i need to complete one individual task from start to finish, and i have a habbit of (ability to?) working around problems to try to make forward progress until a solution is available. someone said ya can't really know where you're going forward unless you know where you came from -- or something like that.