i woke up this morning with the message "no he'll never put more on me than I can bare." that's both greatly concerning and deeply exciting at the same time.

Refiner's Fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for you Lord!
(song quote from: Refiner's Fire )

Details? hmm... i've been praying big prayers lately... like practically everything is going very well for me right now. I'm cruising smooth at work -- waiting for a promotion to process, all the work on my part to get the promotion is done, I'm just waiting for paperwork to process and management to complete what they're working on. Just about everyone at work loves me -- except for possibly the one guy that was hired along with me that isn't advancing as I am, but that's not really a personal thing, that's just a natural generic reaction. My church is rockin' out, I'm not needed there in the same way as I was before -- my church is growing in the areas that I was helping to facilitate and praying for. I've started visiting another church and for now I plan to continue to visit them -- perhaps I have something to give, or they have something for me to receive, not sure but I'll try to track that in greater detail here too. I'll do my best to post about it tomorrow. The only area of my life where I feel there is a lack or I can identify a hole is a lack of Christian friends who's lives I'm involved with. I am no longer living my life in secret, but if I fall -- no one would notice, if I fail -- no one would see it. On Thursday night, at the end of biblestudy as we were sharing prayer requests with eachother, my prayer was a praise to God that everything in my life is going great. On my way, walking home from biblestudy, fear tried to strike me as I sensed something rushing up behind me to devour me. I say it tried to strike me because I felt fear fear come out of nowhere, but it could not grip my heart and ensnare me as it used to when I was much younger. I felt the presence so strong that I had to look behind me out of curiosity to see what was there. I saw nothing with my eyes, yet I had the image of a beast, about 5 feet tall, similar in build to a velociraptor, with a putrid brown, green color mesh to its flesh. Yesterday I took a nap in the afternoon -- I don't remember the order of details of it, but I had a rather obscure dream. Sure it could be easy to say "Oh you've just been watching too many violent movies or playing too many violent videogames lately" but I haven't watched a violent movie in months, nor played any more than 3 hours of videogames in a single week for the past several months. But this dream was quite violent -- there was a lot of fighting. At times my perspective was the viewer following the action closely, and sometimes I was the one in the middle of it all. At one part I was walking through a park close to home -- I had money in my pocket, and three guys came and threatened me, then attacked me with metal rods and took my money. Another segment there were fist fights, then guns got involved and I/the main character, had to run away, partially running, partially trying to hide. There was another guy fighting with me and running with me in this segment. There was a LOT of fighting going on around the whole area. I think the main thing was about them trying to rob me/us.

[dear reader: I just wanted to note that I am both writing this for you, and not at the same time.. I think I have been clearer and more understandable in my more recent posts, but I'm sure there are still many vague unsupported and incomplete points and details floating through my posts. You are more than welcome to contact me and simply ask me about any aspect of any of my posts and I am willing to explain it and discuss it with you.]